So, I feel I labeled this one appropriately. This is going to be my quick two cents on the whole Gay Rights movement that’s currently happening. I don’t talk a ton about being in a same sex relationship but it obviously comes up here and there. I’m not one to go protest or to wave big rainbow flags, I will lead by example and hopefully with that others will realize the inequalities that stand. Also, I’m not saying however you stand up for what you believe in is wrong if it’s different from me. I truly appreciate your rights and views as they are what make this world we live in so fascinating.
I was raised in the perfect little suburbia in a very conservative/Republican town. My childhood was rather perfect and so were my high school years. Looking back I see where some of my struggles came from but at the time I had no idea they were seeded in this and they really weren’t really damaging. Since coming out and now being married my views on gay marriage have changed. It’s been a progression on what rights I felt I wanted and needed. So here are my random thoughts all going toward the rights and laws around gay marriage
1. The first thing I learned through coming out is that I wasn’t going to win my family or friends over by shoving something down their throat. I was going to show them why I should have equal rights but that was just by being me. I wasn’t going to make out with a girl on my parent’s couch because I would hope all people wouldn’t do that. My parents had raised me better than that. The first time I brought a girl home I didn’t hold her hand the whole time or profess my love. I waited to slowly be affectionate so they would be comfortable with it. I respected that this was all new for them, at one time it was new for me too. With friends nothing changed. Danielle was just another significant other in the group and that’s how we wanted it to be.
2. Marriage: This obviously is a big thing that’s going on right now so I figured I’ll address it.
Danielle and I often call ourselves the most traditional gays ever. We like that. I want the house with a white picket fence, have 2.5 children, a golden retriever and a minivan. Just kidding on the minivan! So after we had been together awhile I decided to ask her the wonderful question and we plan our wedding. At one point I said that I wouldn’t get married, I would have a commitment ceremony. The reason I said this was I didn’t want anyone else to feel that I was ‘hurting’ or ‘harming’ their religion. I respect people’s views and again didn’t want to make them feel uncomfortable. However, I realized throughout the time of planning, etc. that this was our wedding. We were going to be like the millions(not sure number so don’t quote me on anything) of weddings that take place without God being a huge part of it. This was a day for Danielle and I committing to be one for the rest of our lives and celebrating it in front of our friends. I think we accomplished that and I’m not sure that’s much different then most people’s marriages.
Danielle and I choose not to get married in a state that legally allowed gay marriage because we felt it wouldn’t change much of our daily lives. It’s a piece of paper and we don’t live in a state that would recognize it so what would it matter. However, throughout the past few months many things have come up that has bothered me about this.
- Danielle and I are buying a house together. We did all the paperwork no problem. We then had to re-do everything(those who have bought a house know how annoying and time consuming that can be) because we don’t file taxes together. We can’t do that because you have to be married to do so.
- This also means that we don’t get any tax breaks although we very much live in one house and function as one unit. It’s not the money, it’s the principle.
- Danielle and I have talked about having children one day. I was thinking kind of crazy and thought that I may like to stay home with our kids. However, if I were to do that I would get no health insurance because I wouldn’t be covered under Danielle’s family policy. Yes, there is an option to have me added but that would cost us the amount of a cobra policy and to pay taxes on it. That would be over $1200 a month. Not happening.
- This last one is what I hate most. Danielle always texts me when she gets to work safe (she only drives 10 minutes). Some days it takes longer or she forgets to text me she’s there. I can be a worrier and start thinking she has gotten in an accident. I then think about how if she has been in an accident the cops aren’t going to my door or calling me. They are calling or going to her parents house, 10 hours away, in Kansas. Not that they wouldn’t immediately call me but I am the one that lives with her, wakes up with her every morning and goes to bed with her every night. I am the one she choose to spend her life with, unfortunately the government won’t recognize this.
As I said before, this was a complete soap box and I am not one to frequently go jump on the soapbox. However, I do have thoughts that I feel are important on this. Danielle and I live really typical lives. We have been lucky enough to work in jobs where we’re accepted, have families that love us and support us in all we do and friends who are cooler then yours At the end of the day are the gay rights going to change a ton in our lives, no. I will love her until forever and we will have a wonderful family together and be happy in how lucky we are. However, it would make us worry a little less, sleep a little better, and save some money in lawyers doing more paperwork then necessary to change our last names so they are all the same, power of attorney, medical power of attorney, so if we have children we both have the ability to take them to the doctors, etc. I’m sure those who are against gay marriage have reasons as well. Luckily we live where we’re allowed to have differing views. I truly appreciate that.